Why am I not in church?

Time was set back last night so I had plenty of time. ADDhubby is preaching today - I should be there to support. ADDson#3 loves going - I should do it as a good role model. I love God and know that without Him, nothing is possible. I feel guilty for not wanting to go, but why go when I'm going to be thinking about everything I could be doing if I where not there....God knows my heart right?

When I was younger, my mother made me go every time the doors where open. I was literally there all day on Sundays, Monday-choir rehearsal, Wed - prayer meetings - Thurs- usher meetings, Saturday mornings - youth group....I thought then that I was there more than God.

So I think now that I'm grown, nobody can make me go...really should anybody have to make me go? Nobody has to make me go to school, or to the movies...this is sad.

I don't want God to forsake me. I need to stop being so judgmental of "Christians" that cannot save my soul. I get so caught up in the Pastor and his possible extra-marital activities. His wife who obviously takes a Seagram's bath before service; pastors son that I feel euphoric every time around - due to the weed extracting from his pores.

this just to name a few...I feel like those in charge of leading others to Christ should hold themselves accountable to a higher standard of life. No, I'm not saying that we are perfect people...I am saying that I cannot in good conscious smile in your face like its cool with me. I know what I eat, does not make you shit, but if you are close enough - you can smell the shit...I just choose not to be so close to these Christians to smell their collective shits.

But is this just an excuse for me not wanting to use the last day of the weekend with people I could take or leave?

you decide.

A