I'm so sick of...

My nipples!!!!

When I was younger, like 12 - 14...my friend and I would put tape over them so they would not POKE through a shirt, but damn tearing that tape off was the most painful shit ever. Now when I say nipples, I'm referring to the "hard-on" that I get at the most unfortunate times, like when I have to speak in front of a crowd, when I get cold, or just whenever the fuck they want to make an appearance. There is usually no warning and no way to prevent it, as a matter of fact the more I focus on "the bullets", the harder and bigger they get.

In most recent years, I've been known to stuff my bra (not to get more - because at a 46dd - I need NO help in that department), just to cover the erection that will surely come throughout the day. I've also bought and used breast-feeding pads (and I was not/had not lactated in 15 years)..but always felt that people could see the ABNORMAL circles, even more than my nipples. I know there are padded bras for this, but my shit (nips) be like industrial strength, concentrated, metallic, from another galaxy strength, plus padded bras (in my size) can cost damn near 50 dollars, and the shit always has the fucking under wire (THAT I HATE).

I would like a breast reduction, but am scared (especially after K.any.e's mom fatality). I used to pray for smaller boobies, then my grandmother told me a story of a woman who was not satisfied and ended up getting breast cancer, so I should shut the hell up.

I understand the need for them (feeding babies and such), but I don't see why anyone would want more than a handful (or mouthful). I also don't know why they turn on and off at any given moment....why do I have to pay an enormous amount of money (per bra) or why do they have so much power - they literally dictate my wardrobe on a daily basis. I have to wear print shirts all the time to mask them.

Is anyone else stricken with this affliction? or am I the big booby, hard nippled freak that I feel like?